Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
