Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
