You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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