so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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