What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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