Its about making memories worth repressing
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
