genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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