Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
