high people should be assigned attendants
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize