she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
