get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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