If that was your dad, he is hot
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
PANTIES FOUND
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