Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
