i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
