I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
