i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
