What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
