you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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