Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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