i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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