I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
