maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
