alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
