I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize