I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
