Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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