He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
