My girlfriend figured out who you are.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
