I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize