My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
