Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I will be naked everywhere
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
