you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
