We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
