Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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