Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
