Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
