All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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