you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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