just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
