There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am one with the molecules
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
