A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
