It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
