I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
