I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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