i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
