Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
