cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
