Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Randomize
