I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize