i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
