distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
