3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Let's get the cat blown out
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize