Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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