he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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