Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
