I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he puts the penis in happiness.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
