why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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