I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
