I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
