bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
