You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
