Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
