he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
