it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
