remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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