never play flip cup with pint glasses
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
