Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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