You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
