went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
