hell yes lets make some ravioli
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
